Trip Report

I flew a 3-day trip followed by a visit to see the boyfriend(?)...why on earth can't I meet someone who lives 15 minutes away from me?! I'm always going back & forth. Okay to be fair I've driven here twice for him & a zillion other times for my mother....and he does drive up to see me more than my mother does soooo it's not nearly as bad as 3 flights to Seattle for a 12hr visit.

I digress.....My flying was great- Amazing crew & really for the most part great passengers.   We did have a few funny ones.

Day 1:  Man in Bulkhead decided to stand at the front of the cabin with his trash until we came to retrieve it.  Ironically he stood up about 3 minutes after one of us had just gone through the cabin collecting trash.  We thought maybe he was going to set the trash down and use the lavatory. No. He just stood there looking towards the back of the plane....which was quite disturbing post 9-11. I went to the front to ask him to sit down as the seatbelt sign was on.  His reponse was "Well its about time you lazy flight attendants do something.  I'll sit as soon as you take my trash"

"Sir, I'll be happy to take your trash, but I do need you to take your seat since the Captain has the Fasten Seatbelt Sign on. Next time if it's urgent that we take your garbage, just ring your call button" 

What I wanted to say: I am sorry you missed us the first 2 times we came through asking for trash and could not wait 10 more minutes for round 3 of trash collection.  please take your seat & allow me to acquaint you with some features of the passenger service unit. Right here is the seatbelt sign- if you decide you would like to get up & stretch, use the lavatory, retrieve something from the bins- just make sure you don't see this little sign lit up.  Right here we have your air vents- Twist them to adjust the airflow.  This gray button turns your light on & off. Last but certainly not least is the Call Button. Its the one in the middle with the person on it.  When you press it- it makes a "DING!" noise to let us know you need assistance.  You can ring it while the seatbelt sign is on to let us know you need a drink if we missed you during the service because you were sleeping. You can use it if the person sitting next to you stops breathing or tells you they are feeling sick.  You can use it to tell us you'd like your trash retrieved.  We do have things to get done in the galleys before landing, so we do prefer that you do use discretion in your reasons for pressing the button.

DAY2: Bird Lady & Pathetic Cougar Drunkard.....oh and Amish do fly & Hell apparently DOES freeze over.

We had a disabled passenger board the flight with a small pet carrier.  While she was considered disabled because of her immobility she was far from lacking character.  A flying first for me- Bird on a Plane.  I know its more common than I think-But for me it was quite comical thanks to the Pathetic Cougar Drunkard sitting accross the aisle from her.  She says "Is the bird too tired to fly?" I have to admit- that was kind of funny- except that she was serious. 

Now Cougar did look great for her admitted age of 42....I honestly thought she was only 35.  She began applying nail polish during boarding- something that while not specifically stated as prohibited- I use my best judgement and say that's its a paint and therefore hazmat when opened and the intoxicating fumes are released into the cabin.  It was a really nice color though.  After the OPI she asked if we could all drink tequila and let the bird fly around for the flight.  I asked her if she minded the bird droppings on her LV.... In-flight she pulled out a huge stack of 1's and said "I promise I'm not a stripper. I just have lots of 1's."  Hmm trust me- I wasn't thinking you were a stripper....I was just thinking- this lady carries lots of one dollar bills to pay for things so that she can tell people she's not a stripper. I said she looked good for 42 but I didn't say she looked good.  She proceeded to tell me about her whole life story & how her boss forced her to take 2 weeks of vacation and she is spending a week with her sister in upstate New York in "the middle of effing nowhere" so "keep the drinks coming because this is going to be effing torture"  During the taxi-in (yay for me she was in the front) she mentioned that the flight attendant in the back was a cutie and asked if he was gay.  I informed her that he was her age & that she was welcome to ask him if she's interested.  She responded with "He's over 40?  Well I thought he was in his 20's. Damnit. Well now there's no point in bothering with if he's gay or not- he's too old for me." Oh. Okay.

More genuinely interesting was my first time flyer.....a 60ish year old Amish Woman on her way to visit her daughter & grandchildren.  Didn't realize the Amish flew.....but I learned that sometimes they do but not to tell anyone (oops. my bad.) She was interesting because she just LOVED the whole experience. She kept asking where we were- I told her my usual "Somewhere between Point A and Point B" and then made up a location between the two points based on how far along we were.  Amish lady was just thrilled to be flying on an airplane- something most people these days aren't.

Day3- Death of the Travelpro, Sunshine & Belts

not my suitcase

Flight 1 was a 2 hour Deadhead that required me to "Valet" my TravelPro.  Well my already broken handle (that I may have mentioned in a post last spring in my post about Miami) became further and possibly permanently broken by the time I retrieved it in our destination.  When you press the button- it should come out and function. My button doesn't work....so the pins get stuck in place inside & it doesn't come out. My remedy was to duct-tape screws in the holes so the pins couldn't come out. It worked for about 10 months. It was annoying to manually press the pins in place to retract it but cheaper than a new suitcase.  Well....one of the screws is no longer intact....instead it's lodged at an angle into the hole in such a way that I can't remove it. (Photos would help but I'm lazy today)

I guess I get no new uniforms this time- just another crappy travelpro with my company uniform allowance. (Sad Day)

Oh We went to Key West.....had ourselves an hour of sunshine. Bought a KeyLime Pie for the SuperBowl Party.  During boarding for our return flight- a man in the back was stowing his bag....and lost his shorts- thank goodness for his wife's quick reflexes otherwise I might have been scarred for life.  He was a good sport about though....and so was everyone around him. When we landed & were deplaning- people were offering to get his bag so he could hold onto his pants.

Boyfriend? Update soon...