The Pilot and I cease to exist. We did not defy all of the odds that were against us: distance, schedules, him being a pilot. What we had together was difficult to maintain but we did give it a valiant effort. It was obviously his choice. It began with him wanting to take some space and time because he felt as though he might have rushed into things and revealed to me that his mind was jumbled and not in the right place because of what his previous girlfriend did to him:
*previous girlfriend was a fling really....she was cheating on her long-term boyfriend with my pilot boy while my pilot boy was cheating on his ex with her. pilot boy ends his 5 year relationship with Cougar Mama Drama in hopes of being happy with Gold Digger FA...oops Gold Digger FA isn't going to end her almost 3 year relationship with Almost Doctor....and it is agreed upon that they can still be together at work and that they are the only people within the company they will see and are free to see others outside of the company. (what?! who agrees to that?) Well Gold Digging Whorish FA tells a bold face lie and Pilot Boy discovers her spending the night with another pilot (gasp! shocker!) and they have a horrible fight and say hurtful things to each other. As far as he was concerned- this "situation" with Gold Digging Whore FA was over. Enter Flying Bachelorette into this scenario. Pilot boy decides to spend time with her once a week for an entire month....and then Flying Bachelorette catches Pilot boy dating two FA's at once. She tells him she's not interested in a fling so she's going to let him go do whatever it is he needs to do because she's not okay with him being with other women while he's with her. He ends it with the other girl because he wanted to be with me and the rest is history.Pilot Boy and I had an amazing 4 months together. In the grand scheme of things, its a short time really. But I fell for him, and I fell hard. I spent several days each month with him and his family in the Northwest along the Sound. His younger sister & I became close and I helped with bits of planning her wedding. We took a trip to Miami, we visited each other on work overnights while the other wasn't working. He spent a few days at my place each month...we seemed happy and he seemed happy with me. There wasn't an indication that it would end.
I sensed something was going on....he was changing his base and was adjusting to it and I respected his wishes to have some space to focus on work and finding a new place in his new domicile. After 2 weeks I saw him and it was so emotional to see his face light up and to have his arms around me once again. It was reassuring to me that this space thing was just something he was going through. But then he seemed to fall off the face of the earth and this space thing turned into him never calling me unless I called him....and we saw each other when I had an amazingly long overnight in his home city.
It was bitter sweet. We laughed together, smiled about our times together and he assured me that I made him happy and that what we had was real together...that it wasn't all just lies. It felt like the contrary to me. It felt like I was a rebound and something to distract him from what he was feeling from the other girl. I don't dispute the fact that we probably did jump into things....but he never gave me any indication that something was wrong- to question his feelings for me. I want to believe him....but if it was real & if I made him happy, then he would not have needed so much time & space to be alone. That night we ended things. There was no point dragging things on if he wasn't in it. I needed to begin the healing process and move on.
The next day he commuted to his domicile (the city where we initially met each other) to begin a trip the following day. The first day of his trip....he slept with one of his flight attendants. Less than a week later, I saw her name on a friend's facebook and had a sick feeling in my stomache that she slept with him. I asked and he tried to skirt the question with "where are you getting this from." I never thought he would do that. He admitted and I litterally fell to the floor crying.
The pain was unreal!! To have him holding me just 48 hours before fucking someone he just met.....telling me that he needs time for himself to figure things out and focus on himself and that what we had was real and that I am the most amazing woman he has been with and doesn't want to make me upset. No. He is a man. He was realizing how deeply in love we were falling and got scared. He wasn't ready for it....and he wanted to be able to have the freedom to bang a flight attendant when he got drunk.
Of course Pilot boy tried to applogize all over himself the next day because of how upset it made me. He wished that he could take it back and that if he had known how badly it would've hurt me he wouldn't have done it. (ummm ok....did you really think i would be happy?!)
It still upsets me to think about what we had....and I want to believe it was real- but based on his actions..It seems like one big web of deception. He played me for a fool...and I was fooled. It will take time to heal, and that's the sucky part.
THE COOL PART IS....I learned to stay true to my word- don't date pilots!! I also learned to never drop anything for someone like I did for this guy. I've got to keep doing my own thing. I have goals and aspirations. You can either come along for the ride or get out of my way!
SOOO.....for the rest of 2010....I will be just doing my own thing...finding myself again and putting the pieces back together. I'll be focusing on my faith and trying to use what I have to do good in the world and to make my mark on the world. I am a talented artist, pretty & funny girl, who has more traveling to do. I'm going to travel to some new places, meet some new people. Maybe go on some dates for blogging purposes.....and focus on making sense of my life. I have weddings to attend, family to visit, and my dual career to focus on.
For the rest of 2010 you can expect more posts about my fabulous life as a Flying Bachelorette! This blog is just the beginning of the rest of my life.....
Next post: Polly Pocket & Flying Bach's rediculously fun trip......getting married & divorced in a flight....and Plenty of Fish.....
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